Annoyed.

Feeling annoyed although I should be sleeping for school in the am ---

I feel like shutting the world out. Closing my door on everyone else. I don't need people telling me how to live my life and whatnot. This is my life, not yours. I don't need you to tell me how I am, you don't even know jack. I cannot wait to run it off tomorrow at the gym.


I hate people. Period.

Thanks for making me feel wanted, briefly.

I was trying to think of a name for this post, but for some reason... I just couldn't think of one. So here I go again on a rant - but this time it's about "love."

Here's a little something you all probably didn't know about me, I grew up fast, and when I say fast, I mean... I did a lot of bad things at an early age, fell in love at an early age, and my maturity level was a bit higher than most (or so I hope it was, haha). Anyways, the point I'm trying to point here is that, falling in love at an early age(I believe it started at 14??), I was always in a relationship (& NO, I'm not bragging or am proud of this) but, I can only recall brief moments when I would be single for a very brief moment too. Anywho, my last relationship was a 4yr relationship, that ended mutually in 2011. & Here I am. It's March of 2013... It's been about a little over a year since I've been by myself, & I'm actually very happy being single. But I guess sometimes you just miss that someone being there for you...

So, last night.... I went out to my friends birthday party, & I usually go with my cousins but none of them were up for it. So instead, I asked a friend, let's call him "Jen" (he was given this name this night because his name starts with a J and is 3-letters long, and this girl accidentally called him "Jen," lol ). The funny thing is that I've only hung out with Jen like... two or three times before (bc I was still with my ex, so I barely went out) and we don't normally talk/text on a normal basis. SO, he decided to tag along because in is words, "I said I was gonna come hang out with you, so why not?" Anywho, we drunk... Exchange driving (I swore, I don't know how I managed to drive at all that night, please don't do this!) because we were both a bit intoxicated. The plan was to predrink at my friend's place and then bar hop in Mpls. Obviously, she got too drunk, so since she and her bf were riding with me and Jen, we went back to her place to drop them off.

I'm still unsure how Jen and I managed to get back to his place, but whoa... I still laugh at it now. LOL! The whole entire time while driving to places, we exchanged a few words, he grabbed my hands a few times, and stole kisses. We held many interesting conversations that I'd never expected to come from him.... Anyways, let's just cut the story short and say that I didn't get home till 5am (& NO, we didn't do anything) and since he was being a punk, I left my phone with him because it was late and I didn't feel like fighting for my phone, so I left it with him.

So here's the point of my story/night --- Why does this happen to me all the time? When I meet someone that I may have a thing for, I end up missing him the next day. Like, what happened last night felt like a dream to me. I can somewhat remember what happened, what we said to each other, his actions and mine.

Like...... Inside, I'm telling myself to not be this fool and don't download it so fast, that it's only a phase for the moment. But then again, I'm like.. No, it wasn't. But I don't know how to feel. However, I do know that these mixed emotions will disappear within a few days. It makes me sad because it reminds me of how good it feels to be wanted and to have someone make you feel good about yourself. I hate it when this happens to me, because I don't know what to think. But I tell myself, he probably does this to all girls... I shouldn't feel like I'm someone special, because who knows if he even means all that he's saying.... I'm not gonna lie, it felt really nice to know that someone, just someone..... gave you the attention you wanted and made you feel wanted; it felt really good and maybe that's the only reason why I woke up this morning realizing how much I missed this affection from someone of the opposite sex.

I know I'm not gonna let this night get the best of me, but.... It's just me feeling these emotions at the moment, and I know that it will soon disappear. I just had to get these thoughts out of my head because it's been bugging me this whole day. So, I'm gonna end it like this.....

Sometimes when we unexpectedly receive affection that we've always been familiar with, we are reminded by how nice it feels to feel this certain way. However, as good as it can get -- I'm gonna turn the opposite way and leave it as it is. I'm gonna let it be because I know this fairy tale has no happy ending. I didn't think I'd have a title for this post, but I guess I've came up with it just now --- Thank you for making me feel wanted, briefly. So...... Jen, thank you for a great night. Thanks for tagging along with me when everyone backed out on me. I had fun & I hope you did as well. What happened that night, we're gonna seal it shut because what happened in the car, stays there ;)


Good night love bugs.


PS- He did end up dropping off my phone the next morning. We talked for a short 5 minutes. & before leaving, he says..."It was fun, I hope we can do it again."

Last night with birthday girl and her people.

(& No, Jen isn't in the picture.)

Last night.

Because I'm nice.... I found some pictures and videos that Jen took in my phone, and here's a short clip of one of the videos. & Yes, you'll see and notice who Jen is. Enjoy :)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=546048992092176&l=5853734513004751630

--& For the record, he's such a phony liar, I didn't take his keys! He took my wristlet and phone! Loser.

Life, itself.

As I sit in the library at school on a gorgeous Sunday late afternoon... I think of how and who I have becomed today... In some ways, I find it shocking how I even ended up where I am right now with life. I think back to my mistakes and shrug it off as something to learn from. I think back to my regrets, and remind myself that sometimes... some things are worth taking a risk for, but you just gotta do it to find out if it was worth it or not. I don't know, maybe it's just me thinking too much, but I have really succumbed my head with endelss thoughts about me and my life. 

I think back to all the relationships I've had so far, and what I've picked up from each indiviudal guy that held a place in my timeline. I look back upon the many great memories of my sisters and I... but as I look right and left..I realize that they're all married and I'm still left sitting in my mother's nest... Sometimes I question myself if I will ever get married? At times I find myself doubting that I will ever get married because marriage is simply just too over-rated. But at times, I am flustered with the thoughts that I know I will not live this life alone, and rather with the "man of my dreams" who will be different from the others, and who will love me unconditionally. But then again, I laugh at these thoughts... because who really knows what the future holds --- no one.

It's only been about a month since I've been attending this college and I already feel like it's taught me a lot about myself. A lot about being a female and feminism. Though I am still slowly adjusting to this school, I like it a lot! The professors, the students, the school buildings, everything about it.... I'm hoping that my sister and I will both get accepted into our program this Fall. I am nervous, but I am ready for the challenges that awaits me. Since attending this college, I have been writing 2 page essays every single day!!! I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but I'm not a writer myself, so I find it hard to just bullshit a paper. LOL.... Jk, I don't bullshit on my papers, at least not all of them :) I am overwhelmed with the papers, it does get pretty intense!

However, spring break is slowly approaching us! I will be in Chicago, celebrating my cousin's birthday. It's been a while since I've gone outside of MN. So this mini getaway will be the perfect vacation for me! We will be staying in the Queen Suite at the Inn of Chicago for 3 nights. This hotel is located in the heart of downtown Chicago, so it's literally in the center of all the awesome tourist attractions (Milleunium Park, Navy Pier, Museums, Magnificent Mile)!! I am so ready to get away from here for a little while and just not have to worry about life.... They have a skyline terrance on the 22nd floor that overlooks the beautiful city of Chicago and an InnBar Cocktail Lounge inside the hotel too. Spring break, please hurry :)

Anywho, I think I will leave it short here. Time to hit home and read some more homework materials -- boo!! Have a great day folks!

Inn of Chicago.

Skyline terrance, isn't it gorgeous!?!

The beautiful skyline terrance.

InnBar Cocktail Lounge.

InnBar Cocktail Loungel

All photos courtesy of: Innofchicago.com

Haters love me.

Hello all!

OMG. It's been fo-evaaaaaa since I last posted. Sorry :( Life is busy. Hope everyone is doing good because I've been doing aweeeesome! Anywho, before I sleep.. I need to get this out of my head because it's bugging the crap out of me. So, here goes.....

Have you ever had "haters" that would always leave nasty comments on your pictures? And as much as you would like to comment something ugly right back, you decide that you're not gonna jump on the ugly train and comment something negative back, so instead you say something to make them feel stupid instead? Yeah. I'm having one of those right now. & It's not even like this is the first time this certain person has done this to me. I'm not letting it get the best of me, but I just need to vent about it because.... well, it's pretty annoying when that person repetitively does it. Like, it gets old and annoying, obviously. 

But what can you say, right?? Haters just love me, simple as that. It's funny how a simple self-image of yourself can bring so much hate in someone that they feel they have to harass you by saying something immature and ignorant. Sad how low people have put themselves. I will laugh this off because.... well, homeboy is just mad homegirl is cute :) But it's all gucci, I don't have to worry about it. & If he continues to let them ugly words out of his mouth, I hope he doesn't expect me to sit here like a dog because I will say something ugly the next time it happens. I can tolerate a lot of things, but not when it comes to plain ignorance, especially when coming from a "grown man," or so I think.... 

Grow up. Don't make me step to my next level and shut you up. I don't need to put you in your place, and you don't need to always comment negative things on my photos. If yo ain't got nothin' nice to say, then I suggest you shut that ugly trap of yours, or I can always help you too. 

Okay, done ranting for the night. I feel more relieved now. & I can sleep peacefully now. Thank goodness.... So folks, let the haters hate. When they feel intimidated, what else are they gonna do but say something to bring you down. Let them hate, we only aim to please the ugly :)

Kiss this, my lovely haters :)